30 Nisan 2012 Pazartesi


                Night is falling. And my endless dreams are beginning again. When will my journey come to an end ? My hopes are fading. Sometimes I dream about my future and  my past - There is nothing. I'd like to think about my existence. but a question always pops up says " Why do I exist?". As a believer, the answer is purely known. There is no doubt. But as a humankind, How can I find my true being? These questions are always playing tricks on my mind. I need the answer of my being, my existence. May Allah help me.

                I have some friends. But I don't call them as my real friends. Because they are living like unbelievers and I don't want to be one of them. I know the half answer of my being and my existence.So  I have to stay away from them even though there will be loneliness at the end of the road. That is acceptable. From my childhood, I almost have no friends. The friends I could have left me alone. So, This is why I can accept this situation.

                Everything is so fragile here, in this world. When I'm touched to someone, something or some idea, seems like they will be broken. But I don't want to stay in my mind. I feel like I have to do something. But I can't. I don't want to live doing nothing. It is a matter of life and death, for me. So it can't be done without someone's support. Oh, Allah save me from myself and assist me.

                Once, I have some good ideas. I have some knowledge about almost everything I like. But the world I am living in , consumed everything I possessed .  Everything  vanished in a blink of eye. How could it happen? I don't know. Every second of my life, I need some sleep. Without it, I can't do anything. Darkness has fallen into my life. When I was a child, I used to weep at the corner.  And now sadly I am at the same place "on my own". No one can nor want to help me, nothing can save me.

                Sometimes, humankind can't make it on humankind's own. I need someone to save me from this meaningless life- a life like hell; someone to save me from torturing myself even within my deepest dreams. I am not afraid of losing my belief. For the only thing that can save me is my belief. I know, these days will pass away- that what makes me patient.

                I know these days aren't far away. They are waiting me somewhere in my life. I hope, I can wait. Because I have no  people "believers" around me. And If I continue to stay with unbeliever people; I am afraid of being one of them. So pray for me people. Pray for me my brothers and sisters around the world. You are my last hope!