21 Nisan 2012 Cumartesi


                  So it happened to me again: Being depressed. I am tired of being a man. Tired of my legs, my life, my whole friends. Actually, I have no friends. I only have some people who called themselves as my friend. I know it is a lie. Because imagination of a friend is very different for me.

                   Then, what is the mean of friendship? I don't know. I don't even have the answer of this question. Sometimes I can feel it, that is all. So, may I show it with symbols? Chocolate? No! Fruit, sugar? No! None of them. Yes, here is the truth: I have never had a friend. As for me, it is not a big deal. Until now! I am all alone and I have lived normally. Eating, drinking, sleeping like any other person. Well, what is the difference between me and others?

                    The difference is lying on the ideas. I have many ideas: The idea of life, the idea of death, the idea of existence; and more, and more, and more... I live for them. Everyday, before sleep, I am thinking about them. In this century, less people interesting about ideas. Most people like to watch movies, and most of them includes pornography  and slangy language. A lot of people, maybe all people around my world addicted from social networks. Nobody thinks. Everyone accepts what is told to them. I call that "fast-ideas". 

                  From this point, you may want to ask me those questions: Are you insane, and what is all this nonsense? The answer of first question is: Don't talk me like this! Tell me I am sane. Because everyone asks me that am I insane. I am tired of this questions. And it hurts. And I know you never cared my answers. Stupid people. But I really care your questions. Like most psychiatrists  said. That is how science sees my situation!
                 The second answer is; This nonsense is my life.I know how much nonsense my writings have. But I have to write. My life for it! I will write during my whole life time. Noone can stop me even though my writings are nonsense!

                 So, I wish it helps you to understanding me, people. I beg you. Stop hurting me. My heart like a river and it is looking for its ocean. Let us find our ocean during our limited lifetime.